palmerpink

Here's where I'm at these days. This poor woman. She's a colleague of my mother's and probably hating her right now for referring me to her.  More general news after the email chunk. So, today i'm trying to make contact with the campus. After much ru nning about (I've discovered that UMD's website is not really a singular monolith but rather a congealed mass of smaller, distinct websites for the various colleges and their departments. very confusing.) I've managed to gather several bits of data. For one, I can now log in to things.  Apparently at this point the "block" on being able to register is for academic advising with the English department (as a transfer, I've already matriculated). What I'd like to know is whether the orientation is mandatory to proceed with the semester (apparently they're not rescheduling today's....or listing any further ones for the spring 2014 term....) or whether I can try meeting with an ad...

So I realized last night I cant think of a favorite color anymore. It used to be green, like sage or olive greens, but now...I can't really say it's my favorite . I think it's from working on retail. I no longer shop in terms of "ZOMFUG!! I love that green thing!!" but rather "oh, that's nice, that is very nice..." "that is such a nice green (or red or navy blue or gray or whatever color; it's less out of generally loving that color family as seeing specific colors on specific items that I react to specifically)." or "that looks so cute with this (or that thing I have at home)". Which is another side effect of retail, if being surrounded by and considering endless items & combinations of clothing: I sometimes sound dangerously like Daria's sister Gwen ("oh, that is so cuuuuu ute!! ").... So I can either get used to it and accept what a who're for retail the retail industry has made me or I can rise up ...

But it kinda is--but don't worry cuz it totally isn't! It's called  network marketing , see?? Oy. So I spent about three hours of my day off yesterday participating in a group interview for this job offer I got. Of all the job offers I've gotten on the salesfloor at Macy's, the one I actually followed up ended up the skeeviest. Thanks, life. This guy explained through his life story, two presentations, and a otherwise info-overloading how we could make a ton of money, and what a no brainer! 'Of course we don't need to hear about any specific products (it's patented NDS technology and 30 day money back guarantee sell itself!!!), but obviously we do have a product because that's what makes us legal. Oh, btw, buy our product then get people to sign up with you. Power of two!!!' Between all the info-overload, the buzzwords, and stats and the bit about buying in and recruiting more "business partners"...I didn't quite feel at eas...

It feels like just last Thursday I was gearing up to bail on retail. I was so many kinds of over it. The surly customers, the daily goals, the shitty & unsteady hours, the barely above minimum wage pay. And now...now I've committed to a dimension of retail I could not have foreseen and would not have guessed. Certainly not last year when I came into this mad, fun, frenetic world of customers and sales, nor last month when I was so eager to wash my hands of it. But I am getting ahead of myself--and dangerously florid. So this whole turn of events began back in mid-October when I inherited a part time position in visuals at Macy's from Parker. It was a pretty sweet gig, though short term. The excellent pay, stable hours, and manageable workload spoiled me some and, as it came to an end, that's what pushed me to such a breaking point with retail as a whole. Simply put, I wanted to keep getting that kinda money with a nice steady schedule and, having realized such thi...

Being a grown up, even only occasionally, is hard. Platitudes, on the other hand, are easy. I've found myself, if only now and then, making certain tough decisions. To most anyone else they're probably trivial; to me, they feel grownuppy and responsible. I recently posted about wanting some kind of android tablet . The other day I got an email offering me one of my top choices at a ludicrously awesome, though still unattainable, price. Something like $250 or $300 instead of $4hundredsomething or higher. At the time I only had about $250 in my account so I couldn't buy it on my own, but hot damn did I want it. I had to fight back the impulse to do what I've usually done in these sitches--when I want something bad but can't afford it (entirely) on my own and possibly find some good deal. Usually, I'd bring in my dad. Maybe I'd pay half or argue it's my Christmas/Birthday present all rolled into one or otherwise involve his spending power to make the ...

So I have 3 jobs now. It's gonna get intense--especially this week with Black Friday looming monolithically. I'm still not entirely sure why I'm doing this to myself, but I'm sure I've got a plan. So as many of you have inferred, I've been working at American Eagle Outfitters for over a year. Though it's been tough at times, it's still fun, and I've learned a lot. Then I picked up visual merchandising gig at Macy's, it was short term, but it was fun and different. It led to job #2: I've been picked up to do recovery & replenishment at Macy's. It's something I had to get good as well as fast at doing at AE, so frankly the actual tasking isn't so hard as the figuring out what to fix up and keeping up my stamina/focus. Then job 3 came along, half outta nowhere. Parker works over at PacSun as a keyholder/assistant manager (whoo! :D), and now our friend Jeremiah manages the store. People from my AE have flocked to our mall...

Interesting day; mundane post. Apologies up front. Today: I worked, I met up with Parker & Kial for lunch and had a lovely time, I worked out, I napped, I led a meeting, I came home, and I blogged. Er, am blogging. Whatever. Epiphanies were also had, and choices may be in motion. Read on:

So I've been working this parttime gig at Macy's. Visual merchandising--from 8 to 1, which means I have to get up pretty goddamn early. I did pretty well today; I'm just about used to this sleep schedule. I was outta bed around 6:30, maaan....nuts. The rest of the week was a bit mixed: some days I ran late (only hadda get a ride from mom once) other days roughly on time. Today I was running early and so that was heartening. I really like working here so far--and not entirely because I'm getting paid more and have a moderately substantial number of hours. the work is good, even paced, and I feel appreciated. I do really well with that. I like getting some positive feedback overall; it doesn't need to be fawning or worshipful. Like my manager has tested me sayingthey things like "thank you for the hard work" or "you did well on the garlands, im grateful for your help". But we can discuss why I like that so much later. Right now I'm almost...

My store had its holiday floorset this past weekend; the last 2 nights/days were a hellish, chaotic mass of stress and physical exertion. It was probably my 10th floorset, at least, but this time I couldn't help getting extremely frustrated and surly towards the end. I love my store and can't deny having contemplated some kinda management role from the very beginning. I like coordinating people, and recently I've wanted to hold people accountable for things like tasking pace. But as exciting as that could be, I'm not so sure it's what I want anymore. Naturally, it can be a long process to become a manager, but I'm aiming to get the seasonal shift lead position at my store this holiday season. Essentially it's a temporary key holder position meant to help with the extended hours and rise in traffic. It can also lead to further management positions. While this is a perfectly exciting possibility, it will be stressful. Hopefully I can figure out how to k...

So I've come to the sobering realization that I do desperately need a second job. Sigh. That's gonna require me to go a'huntin for jobs again. It's also gonna mean that, once I get said job, I'll have less free time to laze about, jerk off, and otherwise waste my time blissfully. It's funny--that's actually among my biggest causes for apprehension. I guard my free time like some paranoiac; it's  mine , it's  my right. But besides that, I so often find myself tired and worn out and burning out on my one job, so how the fuck am I gonna do a second job?! It's kinda like before, too, where I was scared to get my (current) job because I was so scared of failing. Here, I already have a job, it causes me stress and fatigue, so now I'm worried that not only will I struggle at the second job, but that its added stress & fatigue will fuck me over at the first  and second job. :\ All the same, it should be noted that in becoming less wholly...

What a waste of a good title. Oh well, can you tell I'm nervous? I have an interview at Starbucks this afternoon (in under four hours from now, to be exact). Funnily enough, I'm somewhat less worried about the interview itself as what might happen when I get the job.

So, lots of strange things abounding all about the place the last week or so. Work weirdness that indicates how (much) cool(er) our store (secretly?) is. Writing opportunities pursued. Possible job awesomeness. I'm actually a little surprised how "down'n'drifty" and sleepy I've been, so much going on, so much to cheer up over. So the Wheaton American Eagle used to be kinda the joke of the district/region/company. Tiny and shit results. Since our new managers took over last October, we've muchly reversed that. We kinda kick ass numbers-wise, relatively speaking. We may not make as  much money as say Montgomery or Tyson's Corner, but in given our traffic, size, and overall transactions, we've not infrequently kicked their asses. At the least, we're doing way better than we did before the old managers. Meanwhile, we got called in to help out an ailing store the other day. It's a big, high-volume store. It makes 4x as much money a year as...

So the spons-da-sponse wanted me to do some first step work for our meetup this week; good ole "not yet" workthrough. Of course I didn't do it/haven't done it yet. >.< You want powerlessness? Unmanageability? Left to my own devices, I'll let an entire week slip by. Left to my own devices, I'll get myself into a real money jam. Left to my own devices, I'll sit on my hands all depressy & mopey and not look for a job or work out some kinda a budget or anything  productive , instead flirting with boys online to feel pretty and playing computer games to distract mahself/fritter time. So, first thing's first....uh? What's first? Do (some of) the stepwork? Apply to another job? Clean my God forsaken room/the wasteland? Call my loan servicers? Sigh, it sucks that even when I know I need to do something, and even kinda want to do something, I still manage to find nothing to do >.<

So guess who has a real job. That's right. Me. I worked my first two shifts at American Eagle Outfitters Friday and Sunday night, totaling up 20 hours, easy as that. I'm also getting into biking; I biked home after both those shifts. It was fun! Slightly exhausting considering I'd been doing like 10hrs of floor set shit and it turns out I had a cold (don't worry, I only feel slightly guilty for telling my coworkers it was only "allergies" my whole shift). So I'm pretty sold on the biking thing. Anything that trims my waistline and sexies up my legs/ass is a win, nevermind the whole getting-me-places bit--that's just a hot hot bonus. Speaking of sexy legs (and lips...), everyone who's coming down for the Rally to Restore Sanity/Keep Fear Alive should come to the midnight showings of Rocky Horror at the E Street Landmark--either the night before (Friday the 29th) and/or that night (Saturday the 30th). On the 30th, we'll be doing a hot ...

I "couldn't" get to sleep until 3 and regained consciousness about half an hour ago. Goddamnit, haha. I'd love to beat off but my roommate's asleep just over yonder. I think it'd feel kinda weird. Oh well, if I ever date someone with a cum fetish, they'll be happy if this keeps up.... XD MEANWHILE I've been really good. My biggest dilemma is what to do if I get that office job (my therapist and sponsor both made really good arguments for it...between the hours and the pay I'm starting to agree with them more and more...). "o exploitablez!  i can haz 2 jobs--but which should I take??" As ever, that's all assuming I even get the job. But really...as I shared at my sort-of home group last night, it's kinda hard to believe, you know? Only a few months ago, when I was still pretty new in the program, I came to the brink of wanting to hurt myself. I'd spent so many years avoiding so many responsibilities and any accountabil...

I just got out of an interview for an administrative assistant/file processing position at a law firm. I was getting nightmare visions that I'd be working for Meryl Streep from Devil Wears Prada--apparently life comprises two major areas of interest for her: practicing law and her cats. (Actually, the latter doesn't sound so bad; I do love cats afterall, mreow ^.^) But she's a very busy, very intense person, I hear. Sounds kinda cool, too, in her way I suppose. But very demanding. It's a parttime position but it'd be from like 2 to 7pm every weekday. I have no idea how American Eagle would feel about that arrangement 0.0

So as many of you probably know, I've been applying to jobs. This has provided some lulz, some win, and some ironic stress. (quick preview though: I did get a job :)) As I'm a slut for parallelism I'll ignore my preview for the moment and go for the lulz: So my first interview was last Friday. At Hollister. Me. At Hollister. That alone is lulz worthy. But the truly fappable bit comes when we actually examine one or two of the details and make a ridiculously dorky reference out of it.

So my big accomplishment of the week was finishing my resume. I've been putting that off for.....2+ years? Yeah! How's that for cool kids? Then, right at the peak of my aweseomesauce, things got slightly less awesome on me. Stupid world and its stupid rules. But first, the resume. It really didn't take me long at all once I sat down, asked my dad for some suggestions, and got a basic idea going between him & the internet. The problem of course was really my perfectionism, egoism, apprehension, and anxiety--all of which were character defects that came up during my 4th/5th steps. And are ones I really need to learn to own, claim, and let go if I'm going to grow up.

So I think I figured out how to work around the whole facebook-not-importing-my-blog-to-notes thing--it's a neat lil app called RSS graffiti. Yeah, this is as much a test as it is a celebration. Meanwhile, things with yet another boy didn't quite work out. This time it was fairly merciful actually--less a lack of interest as a mutual realization that the situation was problematic (distance is a bitch). Yet more proof that geography is made of faggotry. Or anti-faggotry. I don't really feel like thinking that declaration out at this time XD I've got an early morning ahead of me, I might as well get to it. Also! I (mostly) finished my resume yesterday :D more on that bit of joy later...

I wrote this Friday morning intending to finish off the last paragraph later that day and post it. Interestingly enough, things have changed. My best friend and I decided to become roommates, I have newfound motivation to apply & follow up on jobs, and generally move forward as proactively as I can. So yeah, i'll try to post more about all that goodness later on, but until then, enjoy.... So far this morning has been a coming to terms. Coming to terms with not going to Sessions by the Sea in Ocean City - Did you know I've never been to Ocean City? I don't care if it's crap or not, I just want to see the damn place someday. Oh, and all that hot program/conference action too. That'd also be nice. I'm totally not so shallow that I'd prioritize going to the gorgeous/fun/sexy/mythical Ocean City or sating my curiosity--sentimental and lustful by turns--above furthering my sobriety/program. Heavens no. Coming to terms with needing a job - Did you know ...