Skip to main content

Infuriation, stepwise.

Bit by bit, day by day, my big appointment draws nearer. I'm going up to Philly on Friday to see some specialists, two of the best available, and find out exactly what's coming next. Surgery? Surveillance? Chemo?

As I've said before, most likely it'll be surgery. The big scary one. With the slicing my whole belly open and lifting of organs and snipping out of a dozen little lymph nodes all nestled up against my aorta and vena cava. Yeah, that one.

From what I'm seeing, if we go that route I'll probably be off from work for as few as two or as many as three months, more likely the three. I should be okay though; as I said these are two of the best guys around.


So of course what's actually worrying me is far more...trivial. I'm trying to coordinate with my current urologist's office to send all the reports and results and other records they have for me up to the Philly guys. I'm worried things are going to be left out and we'll waste time trying to get them after the fact. They also want the specimin/slides (aka, bits of my ball) overnighted to them so they can do their own read of the cell counts. I've been struggling to get the address to my urologist's office so they can't have sent it yet. Frustrating as my appointment is in two days. Grr.

It's a big appointment. These guys are serious dudes and this is a serious matter. What they decide can affect my health and even my survival, so naturally I want them to have all the information they need to make that decision.

But there's only so much I can do. Sure, I could beat up on myself about not finding the address quicker or trying harder, but that self-criticism isn't going to change anything. I just have to keep trying my best; as long as I'm trying my best, there's nothing I can really regret or criticize. I have to put aside these little worries and focus on the big picture: In all likelihood, I'm going to be ok.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Or just tell me what you think.

Other things that might interest you...

mini-BULLETTIME: Some ups & downs of a sober New Years Eve.

So yeah, I almost forgot New Years' was up & coming until about Wednesday. So I made some last minute plans based on what I found out from friends. There was some play and then a dance after; I couldn't afford the play, but the dance was free so naturally I crashed that part of the festivities. so, bullettime--in brief: up: I had a fucking blast by the end of it. Danced in the New Year, kissed people (only pecking; a bit lame, I guess, but hotter than nothing), and otherwise enjoyed myself quite exhuastively. down: Despite appearances, I can be painfully shy. I ended up meandering the snack/coffee area for like 20minutes because I knew no one. Well, almost no one; the few I did know kept disappearing on me.... up: I eventually did find some people I knew. After talking for a while we got to the dancing. We rocked that place hard core. down-ish: I guess I didn't get much better at breaking out of my shell.... down-ish: Hell, I still struggled, as usual, to get int...
Post a Comment
Read more

Oatmeal is tasty.

{slurps up berry-oatmeal-deliciousness} Indeed. I need to work on rebuilding a morning schedule. I can be zombie-like enough that I'll waste a perfectly good morning, and have often slept through many. And, really, it's such a useful time of day.
4 comments
Read more

Gardenzia carnivorus.

I recently got back into horticulture after a bad moment of burnout, and wouldn't ya know it, I'm back at it with carnivorous plants! Despite tweeting about it endlessly, I haven't actually explained how or why this started. Back in middle school, I helped my science teacher set up a carnivorous plant display. Nothing elaborate, mind you; a terrarium with a bunch of sphagnum moss and some pitcher plants, a sundew or two, maybe a Venus flytrap? Didn't leave much of an impression, except maybe that they died and that sucked.  shrug . A couple years later, I was in a bog near my grandmother's lake house, when things changed forever. I was in the back end of the canoe, and as my dad pulled the front end out of the water, I glanced to my right and spied, on a stump with some moss, sundews ( Drosera rotundifolia , to be precise). Drosera rotundifolia. Of course I recognized therm instantly—they're hard to mistake, with those the sparkling tentacles an...
Post a Comment
Read more