palmerpink

I've blogged a couple times now about my efforts to build some routines into my life. I think getting myself to do my chores and stuff will get easier when it's part of a routine versus just free floating. It's all still a work in progress, massively so, but I'm experimenting with different setups to see what feels right. Some are just making time and space in my day to do things I would or should do normally--showering, brushing teeth, etc. Other things take me out of my usual behavior and don't have to be done--doing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen, making my bed, etc. I imagine normal people have no trouble with this stuff. But I'm both forgetful and avoidant. As soon as I'm out of bed, I'm liable to forget it all but entirely, leaving it unmade and rushing off to whatever's next. Even if I remember it or see it or think of it throughout the day, I consciously choose not to remake it. I suppose it feels tedious or distracting or something. Wh...

So today is the big day. Well, one of them. But it's the first one! So that's still a big deal. I love how I call this "The Move" as though it's the first and last time I'll ever move. Of course it isn't the first; though it could be the last--maybe I'll just keep renting this house forever .  Meh, not so likely. But as my dad pointed out last night, this is possibly the biggest move I've made yet. It's more or less the "There's no going back" move. Craaaaaazy . For those of you who don't know, I'm moving out to College Park, right next to campus (4 min bike ride from the center of campus, 20 min walk) for dirt cheap. As I said to my roommate when I gave her the key, "It's a shithole, but it's our  shithole now." And it's actually not that bad. There are things I poke fun at--the obviously ancient overhead lighting that's likely older than the house itself, always a source of bemusement ...

Today I am officially (credit card) debt free! The balance on my long-expired BofA card is at -$6, actually. So now they owe me. Yippee! But there are other grownuppy things mingling about this morning.... There are of course some of the many irresponsible distractions skulking about, too. I just went on a 5 - 10 minute facebook diversion, followed by a 5 minute music decisioning bit (I actually call that more of a neutral player as I think we can all agree that now and then life is no good without the appropriate soundtrack). There is of course blogging this post, too, but it's a necessary sacrifice of inertia as I haven't been blogging much of anything lately. It might even focus me some. One tricky thing, though, is despite this rare urge to confront things like mounds of paperwork & filing, tidying & cleaning, workouts & self grooming, and such, it's kind of a listless  sort of urge at this point. Almost a restlessness--a responsible  restlessnes...

Yeah, I've written about it before-- the wanting-to-get-up-early thing . So I'll be brief, or try. So I ostensibly like getting up early. It's a good time for doing things. Practically nothing is ever planned  before 11ish so it's good me-time. I've also got a clear head and (mostly) high energy levels. But I usually get lazy/indulgent and go back to sleep when I don't have to be up right away for anything in particular (and sometimes even when I do...). Am I robbing me of my me-time? Well, yes and no. Sometimes I fill that time with more indulgent me-time--porn, okcupid/dudesnude, facebook, lord knows what else. Normally, I'd want to spend this time writing or reading the news or blogging or just preparing for the day. Not so likely, especially lately--I've been sleeping in or wanking early far more than is necessary. Can't porn or okcupid or whatever wait until the end of the day? isn't it just as easy to wack off before  bed as  after ? ...

I had a real long talk with my manager yesterday. It was good--overdue but grown up. It left me feeling the need to change how I act and treat myself. Shit's gonna get serious, bitches. Or so I hope. So, after the conversation, I was kinda pissed at myself. Possibly--hopefully--a good kinda pissed. And I think I came away having learned some important shit. I hope I can keep these lessons present in mind as they're as relevant as they are significant.

Back in NYC. As lovely as ever, if a bit more confusing, but then that's mostly my own doing. See, I could catch a bus home tonight OR I could stay at my friend's place and catch a bus tomorrow. Seems simple--but naturally I cannot allow that to be!!

The last week has gone by really slowly/terrifyingly easily. At the same time. Mildly unsettling. I need to get moving. Do stuff. It's just...so grey outside. And dark down here. I can't wait to move out. I'll get so much more done, I'm sure of it. Ironically I won't be able to move out until I start getting more done. Life can be such a bitch, eh? So, I need to...do things! Ergo, BULLETTIME! stand up. turn on lamp (light helps?). get coffee. (optional: make to-do list/post-its.) get more coffee. lots more.  edit Bad Movie Monday review. schedule auto-post for BMM. eeeerrr......... make bed? I'll have to consult that to-do list/post-its to figure out what else needs doing. I should put that on my to-do list.... Oh! Addendum! look for jobs/form some kind of plan workout fill out loan shit go to work! early! moar!  It's funny how easily those things escape me when I'm not paying attention.

So I've been asked by my friends over at bestfunnyblog.com to become a contributor! We'll see how long that lasts, but it's extremely flattering all the same that someone believes I have something to contribute to something :) Anyway, I'll be sure to link to my first post once it's up. Until then, I gotta do some stuff! Serious  grown up stuff! :D

So at American Eagle, we're given something called "call-in" hours in addition to our regular work hours. They're basically like tentative work hours; we call in about an hour before they start to see if the store needs us and if so, we gotta be there or it's just like skipping a regular shift of work. Due to a few recent factors I've ended up working many of mine this week. And how.

So I'm still a bit irked up in the head over a fight (?) I had with a good friend last night. I've slept on it so I feel better, but I was pretty headfucked over it earlier. I'm sure there are better circumstances to plug my best friend/roommate's fuckin neat-ass youtube work , but at least I can bring something positive out of griping about  this fight with that other friend...? maybe? So I've known Parker for a lil while now, and he's my best friend & roommate, and I fucking love this kid. Music is his life, basically; he films, edits, and sets all of his youtube videos to his own music. And they're fucking brilliant & adorkable; just the kinda people I like to be around, eh? :) Seriously, check out his stuff--he just uploaded a video last night! So I'm talking to my friend, and I tell him quite earnestly--adoring fanboy that I am--to check out Parker's stuff . But not only does he refuse to, he refuses to rather bitchily. He can...

I"m not sure what's wrong with me these days. Lately I've been getting progressively lazier, fatter, and surlier. And, no sir, I don't like it one bit. And the irksome thing is I know there are some perfectly good solutions and ways to put things on the mend , I've just been neglecting them.