palmerpink

But let's see if it sticks. I've decided to quit smoking—I even got the patch and everything—but it's been difficult. Besides the usual "wanting a cigarette like all the time" stuff, today I'm feeling roughed up with irritability. What I'm not sure of is whether it's just my usual (high) level of irritability mixed with stupid, frustrating circumstances or whether it really is withdrawal irritability crossed with my usual (high) irritability mixed with stupid, frustrating circumstances. I'm thinking (read: hoping) it's the latter. Cuz it's bad today. I'm waiting in a library for Anthony; we're supposed to work on our writing—he, on his novel; I, on my short story —but my brain is too jazzed with the irritables to get anything done. Whence the decision to blog. I can't say this has gotten me anywhere (I'm certainly no nearer, I feel, to writing-writing), but, um, yay? In other news, I finally caved and bought a Nin...

So I'm down to the last week or so of my The Patch regimen. So I haven't had a cigarette in basically forever. It's weird; this step uses a 7mg patch (the step before it was 14mg for 6 weeks), but I often forget to put it on. In that, I hardly notice when I haven't put a new one on. It's an odd feeling. I almost forget that I ever smoked. I smoked for 7 years, and, although never quite a chain smoker, you'd think that might still register. That was, I suppose, why I opted for The Patch instead of cold turkey. I knew those odd habitual moments or split second decisions/cravings would destroy my attempts at quitting. Turns out The Patch worked better than I anticipated?

Ugh. I've been avoiding blogging about this for a reason. A probably dumb reason but still a reason. I've been thinking it's about time to quit smoking. GASP. People refuse to expect my smoking habit more than they refuse to believe I'm not  just barely 21 years old. I suppose I should be flattered--seeming both wholesome and young is surely useful somehow--but it's odd. Smoking is something I've partly taken for granted over the past 7 years even as I've grown to depend on it. But lately I keep getting this odd feeling--"Why do I still smoke, anyway?" or "What's this really accomplishing for me?". The odd part is that, while I won't claim I'm not an addict, I'm not exactly a chainsmoker, either. I'm sure I smoke more than I realize but it's felt like only a pack and a half a week for at least 5 years. Maybe it's more like 2 packs or 2 1/2. I've always felt I was more of a habitual smoker; after meals...