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Quitting is hard.

But let's see if it sticks.

I've decided to quit smoking—I even got the patch and everything—but it's been difficult. Besides the usual "wanting a cigarette like all the time" stuff, today I'm feeling roughed up with irritability.

What I'm not sure of is whether it's just my usual (high) level of irritability mixed with stupid, frustrating circumstances or whether it really is withdrawal irritability crossed with my usual (high) irritability mixed with stupid, frustrating circumstances. I'm thinking (read: hoping) it's the latter. Cuz it's bad today.

I'm waiting in a library for Anthony; we're supposed to work on our writing—he, on his novel; I, on my short story—but my brain is too jazzed with the irritables to get anything done. Whence the decision to blog.

I can't say this has gotten me anywhere (I'm certainly no nearer, I feel, to writing-writing), but, um, yay?


In other news, I finally caved and bought a Nintendo Switch. I've also decided to skin the fuck out of it to make it pretty. I also got a bunch of accessories. And stuff!

I posted on Instagram a funny thing: The Amazon shipping deets had the option for 2-day shipping ... but according to the date of arrival, it very clearly wasn't arriving for 7 days. Oops. Apparently it's because of Hurricane Florence. How charming of her, denying me my Switch for an extra 5 days and all.


In other other news, Anthony talked me into sneaking up to NYC this weekend when I'm supposed to be working from home. I was reluctant until it was decided we'd go up Friday morning so I'd get in Friday afternoon and evening because otherwise I'd be working all weekend and only enjoying Saturday night or some such.

Not. Worth. It.

But it's okay now! And we're having dinner with my friend/ex Mani and his beau Friday night, which should be lovely.

But then, all the working. Ew. I'm trying to corral some New York friends into joining me on a break at Starbucks, but we'll see. That'd up the Worth It factor of the whole endeavor, although I'm sure we'll do other, perfectly interesting things when I'm not working...


Anyway, I do hope I quit smoking for good this time. At the very least, it's costing me a lot of money. I swear I've been smoking nearly a pack a day, and a over $7 a pack, that adds up. But further, I've been crazy into fitness lately, and smoking is definitely affecting all that. It's hard to cardio when you can't breathe as well as you could. But of course, there's also the whole cancer and COPD stuff to worry about. I guess that'd be bad news bears, too.

But it's tough. No surprise there. The patch is, I hope, helping, and there's the welbutrin I'm on. I have read it's really at it's worst in terms of cravings in the first 3 days, so hopefully things will get easier. At this point, I keep forgetting, somewhat, that I'm quitting; I'll just unwittingly be looking forward to a cigarette then realize it's never gonna happen.

But I want to quit. So I'm gonna quit. Or stay quit. Whichever.
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Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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