palmerpink

Yeah, so we're a bit past 300 posts, at about 306 published posts, but it's still worth reflecting on where I've been. It occurred to me the other day--I've been blogging off and on for 15 years now. That's crazy. Here are some of my thoughts on all that. As I mentioned before , I've felt hesitant about continuing this blog. That's largely because, I think, I have bad memories of my early days, the take-no-prisoners days. I'm glad my old blog doesn't exist anymore: Not only was it beyond embarrassing, but also it hurt people, and I'm not proud of that. That being said, I learned a lot from blogging, even then, in those larval days. I'd like to think I honed my writerly skills and voice through it, learned some niceties of joining subjects and verbs with their various clausal and phrasal accouterments. Also, something about getting my thoughts and feelings out into the world...though sometimes damaging, as it could be back then, it was sti...

I haven't even re-read my last post . It was an attempt to resolve or explain the resolutions I'd arrived at about the post before it . Of course I decide to write such an important, meaningful post when I'm literally falling asleep at the keyboard. Like, nodding off, sitting up, hands hitting random keys. Good timing, Chris. Well, I wanna (briefly) restate the good progress I was trying to convey in case, you know, that post turned incoherent or misleading in any way. From both posts, you can probably infer I was having some boy troubles. One crush in particular had caused me some serious heartache and frustration. It really sucked. What really sucked about it was how much it resembles all my other troubles with boys, just made more poignant by how long and how badly I've liked & respected this guy. I get to fantasizing, and not just sexually mind you, and I get so attached to those fantasies and hopes. I start reading into any sign they might be true--that w...

So, despite that positive, proactive mood I mentioned the other day , I gave into some rude urges to be irresponsible last night. My Rocky Horror cast was having a meeting, and I'd even told them I'd be there. And then I didn't go. It started as just "going in late" and ended up "not going at all". This usually means something's up in my head. It's straight up avoidance, my favorite coping mechanism. Evasive action! There's usually some chain reaction of worry leading up to this kind of behavior. Sometimes big things, sometimes little, but essentially I'm trying to avoid having to feel anxious about something . I'm not sure what it was this time. I mean, I have a couple strong suspicions that I'm reluctant to admit to. There's the ever worrying money situation. Haven't moved forward with that loan consolidation in weeks. What's weird though is yesterday I actually did make some progress with it. Maybe that m...

So at American Eagle, we're given something called "call-in" hours in addition to our regular work hours. They're basically like tentative work hours; we call in about an hour before they start to see if the store needs us and if so, we gotta be there or it's just like skipping a regular shift of work. Due to a few recent factors I've ended up working many of mine this week. And how.

This isn't easy. Neither starting a new blog nor blogging about what I want to blog about today. Naturally, the two are linked, obnoxiously, so I might as well be up front. About 6 months ago I entered Alcoholics Anonymous (o0o0o0o!!). It's a long and strange and somewhat odd story of how I got there and why I've stayed with it, but those who know me well will probably understand & agree, and that's all that matters for the moment. As you can imagine, I'm not too upset about breaking my own anonymity; I hope to provide reflections and musings and ramblings on these and many, many other themes & topics (just you wait--one day I'll start on Doctor Who and not be able to stop!) primarily for my own benefit as well as any family, friends, and acquaintances interested. (That was a very long sentence; let's hope we can keep this post short >.<) I've started this new blog for a couple of reasons. One, the strongly alcoholic themes of both of ...