palmerpink

You know, I actually got the chorus to "Walk like a Dinosaur" stuck in my head yesterday morning. I was about to cut bitches. Or walk like a dinosaur. Either way, it wouldn't've been pretty. As I was previewing my earlier post, though, I saw that one of my bad movie resources, Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies, posted a recent review of  Track Of The Moonbeast , which I'd seen on MST3k years ago and always loved. What got me though was the title of the review: " Track of the Moon Beast (1976), Or Stalk Like A Dinosaur ". I'm dangerously close to getting that song stuck in my head again, but god damn if I didn't laugh my ass off when I read that.

So many of the bad movies I watch are from bygone (?) eras in which women were little more than punchlines with tits and indentured housekeepers/babymakers. The dismissive, even derisive, way women were portrayed in film, then, shouldn't be too surprising. Most of the time women were "used", rather than "portrayed", in film. Some manage to do so in ways that still manage to surprise/boggle/entertain my mind. So many to choose from, really. Like, pretty much any pre-1990s thriller/horror/sci-fi flick would probably do. But I've chosen Angry Red Planet (1959) because, in my opinion, Planet is just  too good an example to pass up--it's what originally gave me my angle on this review. Frankly, I'm not entirely sure if it's hilarity comes out of caricature or failed correction of the norm. Screaming or about to eat her mate? You be the judge. And with that, I'll kick off what may turn into a long running, if only occasionally humored, ...

I was reflecting on the movies in this week's BMM review. Redneck Zombies , in particular. See, it was part of how this whole bad movie thing started out for me. I mean, I'd literally grown up on Mystery Science Theater 3000, so finding mirth in awfulness wasn't new to me. But actually trying my own hand at that kind of amusement? That's much newer. See, this all started last summer, right after the Grand Blackout of 2010, when we lost power for a week. Some friends stayed over to keep me company/ sane. After we got power back, one friend, Pixel, announced a powerful craving for zombie movies. So I  found a nice zombie collection on demonoid. It had many fantastic sounding films to watch, but Redneck Zombies stood out. That zombie collection combined with emboldening experience of seeing The Room in a theater with other hecklers got me started on this whole Bad Movie Monday review track. Ah, memories. Some time later, I can't remember how much, I acquired...

One of these days I'll actually bother finishing that Schlock! documentary about exploitation films . Because most every movie I'll likely review here will prolly be some kind of exploitation or another. I've already reviewed a drugsploitation , some STDsploitations , and even an automobilesploitation . Best character. (CftHL) This week I'm looking at two hicksploitation flicks. God help us.

So I've "discovered" a new way to come up with Post Ideas when my brain is dead. Random phrase generator . Oh yeah. Set the noun to "average" and you'll get some hot ones. However, tonight it appears my brain is just too dead. It musta been all that ice skating last night. Er, learning to ice skate. Yeah. I doubt that graceless excuse I was perpetrating on ice really counted as  skating , per se. So, yeah, that and all the 3rd step ideation that inspired. I'll hafta write about that later, too.... So, yeah, tonight my brain's just too dead to do much of anything. I know I need to rewatch the/a bad movie to review for tomorrow, but somehow it's just not up for that. Apparently Doctor Who takes less brain power than a bad movie (review). Don't you ever repeat those words back to me. Ever. I will snap people. Speaking of which, though, I'm trying to get Parker (and me) caught up on season 2 of the new series (of Doctor Who; I keep for...

Yes, another bad movie that isn't actually all that bad. The Gate is still cheesy, and more than a little stupid at points, but it works hard to compensate with good effects and modest acting and lotsa not-quite-weird shit. Basically it's a pseudo horror with some hilarious bits thrown in. "I'm worried my mouth may be small & inadequate..." I'm actually a bit frustrated by its lack of awfulnesses. Sure, it's got some good good opportunity make funny happen, but it doesn't exactly serve itself up for heckling. All the same, several characters have potential—by virtue of being annoying and recurring—to make for some good running jokes. I'm sure that , as with some other movies I've reviewed, a good crew of hecklers could do a real number on this one . Most rewarding of all, though, are those few scenes that are just too fucking funny. If you're willing to put up with a modest horror movie that doesn't quite make for easy l...

Some of you may have noticed that I've reviewed mostly 80s movies. There's a pretty simple reason for this. I found some a torrent of 80s sci-fi cheese called “Return of the Cheese”. So, in short, laziness . This week, though, I'm doing something crazy . We're gonna scroll it back to 1977 because a torrent for “The Car” was simply too tempting. Now, if it'd been uploaded with its Canadian name, “Deathmobile”, I'd have probably reviewed long before now. The Car actually isn't that bad a movie. Its premise is kinda dumb, and its logic weak, but overall it isn't terrible. It's certainly no The Green Slime or Hobgoblins , but it's still pretty damn funny.

Yes! It's finally here! Bad Movie....Wednesday. Yeah, Monday's overrated some of the time. It's the weirdest feeling when Sunday hits--"Oh shit, dude, it's Sunday ! Do you know what that makes tomorrow??  Bad Movie Monday !! " This week, I'm reviewing the ultimately pointless Creepozoids . That link goes to a rather good synopsis/overview/reaction for the movie. I don't feel like recapping it myself because the (joke supposited as) plot pretty pathetically unremarkable. Read it, though. It's quick. And amusing. So instead of recapping plot, I'm going to poke at some of the more annoying--ie, hilarious--parts of the film.

I'll post later fur reelz, but I wanted to say I did end up finishing Multi-Facial . Not surprisingly it's got a non-ending sort of ending. Somehow I couldn't imagine Vin mustering the creative assets to actually write an ending. Scratch that, I couldn't have imagined him mustering the creative assets to write  anything , but apparently he wrote this. And directed it. And produced it. Not that it's any kind of accomplishment. Afterall he raps . Seriously. Watch it. It's about a minute into that upload. You cannot imagine how bad it could be until you've seen it; it's much worse. As I mentioned before, the whole thing feels like he's jerking himself off real nice and slow. Every scene someone says "Oh, you're very good!" even though he never gets cast in anything. That plus his (character's) insistence on being an ACTOR --he compares himself with various Greats in acting. At one point a girl he auditions with suggests he try out...

I'm perfectly aware what a judgmental asshole I can be. But I'm also quite capable of being open minded. That's the only way I could have watched as much of Vin Diesel's short film Multi-Facial as I did. Actually, it was somewhat interesting. Apparently he can kind of act. And has, like, principles. Or his character, Mike, does. Whichever, it's transparently himself. I think he wrote it himself, too. So yeah, surprisingly somewhat interesting and watchable. Right up until he started rapping.

We have something very special this week, kiddies: a double feature! There is likely much more that could be said about either of these movies—especially The Green Slime , which nearly cost me my life. Or could have. But something got me thinking, and the funny started happening from there. Both movies have STDs. That's right. You're gonna get sick from watching them. Oh, and catch the clap, too.

Rocky Horror was pretty good last night. I debuted as MC, and hopefully will have the privilege of MC'ing future shows. I may have sucked up some bits, but overall I had a lot of fun and the audience seemed to respond real good-like. :) All 12 of them. XD I also survived the whole week on nothing but a baggie of dimes. I'd found a cash of change back when I rearranged my room 'round Thanksgiving. Oh, there were quarters, but, of course, they were the first to go. The dimes actually lasted quite a while--I estimate there must've been at least $10 or $15 worth :) I haven't entirely decided what movie to review for tomorrow; considering it's sunday and I'd still need to re-view before I can even review it, that could cut it close. If all else fails, I'll just do  The Green Slime --which I only narrowly survived. No, not so much cuz of it's awfulness (it  was pretty awful though...) as apparently the green slime's...sound effect pierced some d...

There are many bad movies out there. I hope to watch many of them--and blogment them for your enjoyment. There will, naturally, be some that are bad, a bit goofy, a bit weird, but ultimately just pathetic. The Acid Eaters is just such a movie. This is probably the most outright pathetic film I’ve yet reviewed here. Still, though, it provides some interesting possibilities.... It’s an alleged drugsploitation movie from 1965 and, therefore, also a softcore porn. It’s terrible at being either of those things, of course. All the same, i learned that, apparently, acid is actually 4” x 4” x 1” squares of Styrofoam. And here I thought you weren’t supposed to eat Styrofoam. But there they are, and apparently doing so causes.....hallucinations? "You have only to take a bite...." says Roger Delgado on steroids to a man in a gay hat. It certainly causes a bunch of middle-aged guys/drones and 30-something girls to act like teenaged idiots for just over an hour of our time. Joy.

*sigh.* As I'd somewhat feared, Bad Movie Monday failed; instead I'll throw together a half-assed 'Bad Movie Tuesday' even if the corny name doesn't work the same. As I might as well have also promised the other day, this review might be a little disappointing, too. I ended up having to watch/heckle MetalStorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn  on my own, which proved to be more than just a little difficult. Don't get me wrong; I imagine this movie could have some really great potential. However, it's a little dry. At least, so much so that I--but one, lone, tired homo--couldn't handle it all on his ownsome. Even despite its having a pneumatic gonorrhea discharging dildoman in the cast of villains.

So I decided that, in the spirit of originality, to declare Mondays henceforth be known on this blog as "Bad Movie Mondays". So that means (at least?) one of my infamous bad movie reviews a week. Hopefully this will force me to start working through my ever growing collection of bad movies/to maybe someday get good at reviewing movies. We'll just have to see, eh? This week's movie is a gay softcore porn/artflick called Laserblast . No, seriously, it's some kind of sci-fi thriller/horror thing--but this kid is ragingly gay. But tragically closetted. As you can tell, I heckled this one with some gay friends. For those of you who'd like a competent review of this movie, please check out my new lovers--though they don't know it yet--over at Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies.

I'm pretty sure that cyborgy-suit Michael Ironsides is wearing has something hard and sandpapery viciously shoved up his va-jay-jay. I mean seriously! Here, she's just looking smug & smarmy, but....   I actually watched this a while back and've been saving it up for a time like this--when I felt bad for neglecting the blog for a few days yet had nothing much to say. Mhm. I'm a strategerist, that I am. Anyway, I'll say this much before I forget: despite everything pining for the contrary, Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone actually isn't that bad of a movie. In fact I'd say it's rather good. Still fucking hilarious to riff à la MST3k :) Which was where the title for this post came from. The first time this "Overdog" character is shown s/he does this haughty spin around to see who approaches and has this mean ole frown on his/her face. So of course, quite naturally, "Sigourney Weaver is  PISSED " just tumbled outta m...

Clever, right? Cuz cuz cuz--it's really called-- Monster A-Go Go or  Monster A Go-Go . See what I did there?! Cuz--it's really bad! Like, you shouldn't watch it bad! Bahahahahahaahah--and I'm stopping. Fuck you, at least I was amused.... XD But seriously--what does "a go-go" even mean?? Is "a no-no" really any less....meaningless? All the same--it's terrible. Like, not as bad as Disaster Movie , sure, but--dude--it's pretty fucking bad. What they did to this movie should be illegal. Like, my super awesome roommate, Parker, slept through the worst parts--that asshole--and even  he thought it was abominable. If you really must watch it, though, don't watch it without the MST3k guys' commentary. Seriously. I mean, even they had trouble making it watchable--there are parts where they just randomly invent meaningless dialogue because NOTHING WAS HAPPENING .

It's kinda funny--the title of this post is itself an obscure reference to Doctor Who*. But, seriously, my dorktronic levels these last few weeks have been running dangerously high.... Besides watching Doctor Who (actually, less so than I've been known to...), I've really taken to watching/mocking bad movies (have you noticed?), both already MST3k'd and not. The other week I decided to switch over to Dvorak keyboard layout --in fact I'm trying to write this whole post with it as practice. The way I see it, the 3 biggest things I'll likely spend much of the rest of my life doing will involve lots of typing--writing, computering, and temping--and i can do without the repetitive strain injuries...yeah. I've also been fiddling with mah linuxes lots--I've put Linux Mint 9 LXDE on my laptop. Dunno if i'll keep it or go back to regular Linux Mint or try out the KDE flavor. Big winsauce though--ie monster dorktronics alert--I got Lubuntu working on an...

In other news, I ignored all the warnings and omens and actually watched  Disaster Movie the other night. When can I have my sight back? I've taken to watching a lot of bad movies recently--always enjoyed them since I grew up on MST3k--and I thought I was prepared. I thought I could handle any bad movie. I thought I could have fun with it. I was wrong. Very very wrong.