palmerpink

I recently finished watching the anime Gate . While an overall enjoyable show, it does have its flaws. I've been thinking about it now and then since finishing, and two problems in particular keep bugging me. The story begins when a gate from another world appears in Ginza , a shopping district in Tokyo. After repelling the incursion of ogres, dragons, and centurion-like soldiers who came through the gate, the JSDF  mounts a counter-invasion and sets up a base on the other side of the gate--in the "Special Region." From there, the JSDF encounter all manner of monsters and mischief, usually either slaughtering it with their military might or wowing them with the superiority of Japanese culture--but more on that when I get to the second problem. This constitutes the first problem, which is mostly amusing: Basically, the series is about as masturbatory an exercise in Japanese pride as any I can imagine. Well, actually, I can imagine more extreme cases, but the series get...

One of my new goals now that I have a real job is spending more time writing and such. Other things include, of course, such mandated activities as working out and going out, but those should be obvious given my demographics (young[ish], gay male, etc.). But writing is something different; it was one of my firsts loves, an early passion. And it still means a lot to me, even if papers for school represent most of my recent writerly output. So, in the interest of writing more, I might as well try going back to where it all began--blogging. I'd like to think that's where I really got a taste of writing and began honing my skills. That being said, it was also a place where I vented a lot of inappropriate stuff. Either letting loose a volley of unwarranted hostility or sharing things that weren't my business to be sharing or simply lacking the discretion to cover my own ass and stay out of trouble. I was a mess back through most of that; I was something crazy--and it showed....

I want my buddy back. I know I can't--I know he's not coming back. But it's still hard to, not just know it, but feel it without my chest imploding like a dying star. My buddy is gone. My bigguy is gone. And I miss him. At the end of this post, I'll include the poem (the dirge?) I wrote and read to him before the vet came in with the needles; before I held him for one last, infinite snuggle; exactly as in the poem--held against my heart as his stopped beating; as he left me, forever. Goodbye 2015, goodbye Marcel. I had Marcel for almost 16yrs; over half my life. He's been my companion, my little buddy, my bigguy for so long...it's hard to think of him not being there, somewhere, either curled up like a dozey little dork or out claiming his territory with a genially imperious posture. But what I came home to today: A home without Marcel, a life without Marcel. Marcel prefers to read for me. I am so grateful for every moment I had with him. Every snugg...

Isn't it great when you find out the name of some odd idea you put together but couldn't quite explain? no? maybe? Ok. Well, I discovered the names of some of the philosophical positions I've taken of late and have been working from in developing the theories I've been putting together. Last time I mentioned how I'd given up on needing free will and such; this came from my assuming determinism is true. I talk more about that another day as I already knew what that was called. One of the positions I found out about the other day is existential nihilism . This idea derives from, if roughly, from the existential premise that there are no essential properties, that existence precedes essence and such. It basically says there is no meaning. I had mostly figured that that part of the positions I'm working from was related to existentialism, so I won't talk much about that today, but it is important. Possibly. The term that was new was mereological nihilism ...

Majoring in philosophy was probably among the smartest things I've done. That being said, it's had some odd consequences. It may even have a bit of a dark side lurking about... One reason it's an obvious fit is my abundant intellectual curiosity and inquisitiveness as well as the happily pondering nature of my daydreamy side. Philosophy has proven not only a great foundation for my not infrequent thought sprees but, I hope, invaluable training for critical thinking and all that stuff. You know, interrogating the issue , unpacking the term , and all that gibberish. Turns out to be useful stuff some of the time. Something I've discovered, though, is an almost sadomasochistic streak in my philosophical method. It seems almost cartesian* at times. Basically, I'll start with a thought, perhaps with some reflection on something I've learned or been learning about or overheard or read or whatever and stuff; then I'll start pressing it...following its implicatio...

So two weeks ago, or so,  I posted about returning to work  from my medical leave. I had feared the worst but things turned out not at all as bad as I'd worried they'd be. So naturally I figured all was well and dandy and my worries unfounded, and transitioning back into work was going to be easy. Well, then Saturday happened. It was rough and stressful and I felt like a useless shit. Then the rest of that weekend. Then this past weekend. Oy, intensity. At first it was difficult as I was still adjusting back to the rhythm of the restaurant and serving and all that but was put in some tough situations all the same. For example, I got a four table section that Saturday in what we call "the back". It's essentially the farthest point from the kitchen and the journey between often presents myriad distractions and such. And before then I'd only worked four tables maybe once. So each of those would have been tough before my time off, nevermind dealing with both w...

So today is my second day back at work. Gradually resuming responsibilities; time to be a grownup again and have a job and show up and do it. It's a bit odd but easier than I'd expected, much easier actually. I expected to totally derp the menu or drop something or even tear myself open from the inside. Who knows what kinda crazy hijinks awaited me. But Monday night wasn't bad at all, really. Not only did I survive the shift, but I made more mondy than I need to average in order to stay afloat financially. And that was a pretty slow night. So that was pretty excellent, dude. Who knows, the rest of the week could totally suck, but I don't think it could suck as disastrously as I'd been fearing. And that's pretty sweet. In the meantime, this coffee needs to kick the fuck in cuz I'm still spaced out.