palmerpink

I shouldn't have been surprised that, although really excited to go to the gym in the AM to the a-gain , that this morning would prove difficult. Today I have work at 1:30pm instead of 9:45am. That throws things off more than you might expect. My brain is a stupid thing much of/pretty much most of/all of the time. If it perceives any leeway, it overrides any sensible use of time. Lack of discipline. Give it an inch, it takes a mile, or however that goes. So on mornings like today, when I don't have  to be anywhere until much later, it/I will happily forget/rationalize other important things I merely  wanted  to do, regardless of how important they were to me. I first woke up at 6:30am to Garrison Keillor reading me a poem called "1000 Yard Oar Boat" or something; I took my meds and went back to sleep until 7 when my phone went off. Typical morning although trying to break that habit bit by bit (it used to be I'd routinely dismiss the 7am alarm and sleep till 8...

So I actually went to the gym before work today. About a week or two ago I mathed that working out before work--before my Macy's opens at 9:45am--was not only feasible but a great idea. Today I actually did it. And you know what? It was a good idea. It gave me a solid excuse to get up at 7ish, for one. As long as I can tell myself "I don't need to be  anywhere until, like 9:30..." I can keep hitting that snooze button and rolling back over for another 5minutes. Today...I don't know. Whereas the last week or so I continued as I had--lazing out instead of working out--I got up and went. Maybe it was because I was getting a ride from Parker. Maybe I was just fed up with the assholes who pump iron in the evening. Whatever was different about today, I went. And it was really nice. There was hardly anyone there, and those that were were such a better, nicer mix of people. Between the people squeezing in a nice, if leisurely, bit of lifting for their health before...

(Is that even the plural...? Oh well, too late; it's already written, and I've decided my ear thinks it's pretty.) I could write reams about how I feel when I see a hot guy. In fact, I know I have; there are embarrassing notebooks overly versifying the subject already--embarrassing not so much for raciness as, more often than not, lameness. Anyway, besides the more directly libidinal thrust a hot guy can put into normal daily rhythms, there's also those deeper effects and reflections. Prolly merely my usual overthinking, but sometimes it can't be helped. Today, there were two guys that got me off kilter like that. Damn them--for being hot and being frustrating! The first was some kinda nurse or doctor or dentist--he was in scrubs, let's leave it at that. He had blonde hair and sunlit eyes and a glorious smile. He came in looking for some cologne though wasn't too sure what as he hardly wears any. For all I knew he was 35 but damn if he wasn't th...

But I did make it as far as my home gym! It's almost the same. You know, without all the cardio machines, challenging weights, and hot guys to check out. Other than that basically the same. From about Thanksgiving until somewhere in late December I was doing pretty well at going to the gym. I was even beginning to look fantastic. Then things got...busy? or I got lazy. One of those. Let's see if I can not make overblown promises to myself here, publicly. I think if I actually looked at my schedule I'd see plenty of opportunity to get to the gym. And if I actually committed to it, I could actually do it. Cuz let's face it. I like the gym. I like being buff/sexy. (If I were cockier I might even say it isn't that hard for me to be once I actually try and exercise....) So why haven't I? I'm really not sure. Inexplicable nervousness, maybe? Intimidation? Utter lack of planning/time management? Resilient, persistent doubts? Or maybe it's that commit...

It's already Thursday? Where did the week go?? Oh well; I made a bit of progress on editing that essay I've been talking about over on pink interrobanger . (And I'll probably continue putting more about that there to spare those of you uninterested in my writing projects--or my endless ramblings thereupon XD) Still, though. The week disappeared rather rudely, it seemed. I guess I did work Monday and Tuesday, and yesterday turned into a 'pajama day', and today's hardly started.... But the week feels so gone. And I feel so gross about it. Real lazy and fat feeling. Still kinda tired (might be cuz I was up until 4am last night >.<). Hence the title of this post. Look it up . (second definition.) A lot of the week has been spent looking forward to tomorrow--pay day. I do hope I have something leftover after I pay all my bills. ... I should really get back to applying for that loan consolidation, shouldn't I? *sigh* In other news, I'm proud ...