palmerpink

Mornings are a very dangerous time. At least, that's what I've found. For me a simple poor morning choice or two can decide the quality and satisfaction of the rest of the day. It's nuts, but it's been hard to counteract so far. I'm sure this is in my top three most redundant and boring post topics, but alas it's what's on my mind today. I'll try to post about something more interesting later on--you know, like, about plants or something. I'll focus on days off since they're the most dramatic example, and today we're not interested in the ordinary. So, whether I end up spending a day doing laundry and working out and other gratifying things/chores or whether I waste it sleeping and masturbating and internetting mindlessly seems to come down to what commitments I make in the AM hours. Like, today, I slept in a bit, sure, but then I decided to do things. Like blog and check on bills and drink coffee and workout. Likely I'll continue w...

And in a spasmodic shock, suddenly I find myself on the verge of moving out. Or something like that. Yesterday, Parker, I, and our friend Steph went around to a couple of apartment leasing offices and asked questions and looked at rents & square footages & numbers of bedrooms. Then we went to Pizza Hut to talk serious. Is this really happening? Suddenly I find myself talking things like weekly roommate meetings and shares of rent and pros+cons lists. Suddenly, things I'd been writing about months ago are just happening . Of course, they aren't really  just happening . We (read: Parker) got off our asses and started doing shit for a change. But I'm a good team player; I can fall in step--and run with it. I've already mathed out rent share scenarios and roommate contingencies. I'm planning to research some other apartment places in the area. I've even started thinking outside of the box and considered not rooming with Parker . It's a scary thought...

It's a pathetic equation, to be sure, but so much of my life has been derailed by it. I've been kinda down all week and didn't even realize it until at earliest Wednesday evening. Typically, I've been avoiding taking care of a whole gamut of responsibilities. Today I figured out what's got me down. Money.

I "couldn't" get to sleep until 3 and regained consciousness about half an hour ago. Goddamnit, haha. I'd love to beat off but my roommate's asleep just over yonder. I think it'd feel kinda weird. Oh well, if I ever date someone with a cum fetish, they'll be happy if this keeps up.... XD MEANWHILE I've been really good. My biggest dilemma is what to do if I get that office job (my therapist and sponsor both made really good arguments for it...between the hours and the pay I'm starting to agree with them more and more...). "o exploitablez!  i can haz 2 jobs--but which should I take??" As ever, that's all assuming I even get the job. But really...as I shared at my sort-of home group last night, it's kinda hard to believe, you know? Only a few months ago, when I was still pretty new in the program, I came to the brink of wanting to hurt myself. I'd spent so many years avoiding so many responsibilities and any accountabil...