A step apart.

And in a spasmodic shock, suddenly I find myself on the verge of moving out. Or something like that.

Yesterday, Parker, I, and our friend Steph went around to a couple of apartment leasing offices and asked questions and looked at rents & square footages & numbers of bedrooms. Then we went to Pizza Hut to talk serious. Is this really happening? Suddenly I find myself talking things like weekly roommate meetings and shares of rent and pros+cons lists. Suddenly, things I'd been writing about months ago are just happening.

Of course, they aren't really just happening. We (read: Parker) got off our asses and started doing shit for a change. But I'm a good team player; I can fall in step--and run with it. I've already mathed out rent share scenarios and roommate contingencies. I'm planning to research some other apartment places in the area. I've even started thinking outside of the box and considered not rooming with Parker. It's a scary thought but may be necessary in the short term.

It is amazing how much more I'm capable of than I give myself credit within the whispering catacombs of my own mind. Once I get going and get going in earnest, I can actually surprise myself. I should probably let me surprise myself more; could end up pretty good. But I get off topic.

It dawned on me yesterday, whether consciously or otherwise, the progress I've made. For example, I was surprised how much more financially stable and empowered I am than I was, say, 6 or 7 months ago. I also just feel readier; if I had to move into an apartment this weekend, though it may be a bit rushed, I'd be game. I think. Either way, thinking about apartments feels a bit different, and it's a good kinda different.

Comments

Other things that might interest you...

On aging, and fear.

To begin with, I’m not sure you’re aware of it, but I’m middle aged. Oh? What gave it away? Using a blog as my primary literary medium?¹ Hm. But in fact, the APA defines 35 years as the end of “young adulthood.” Yeah. I found out via some shitpost on twitter when I was already 35, so it didn’t sit well with me then either. But my worries about aging began much sooner than that. See, even in my 20s, I feared I’d been wasting my life. I’d struggled with school and life and everything since graduating high school, arguably sooner, and nothing seemed to be going anywhere meaningful . I felt I had a limited social life, a dead-end job, no money, no great travels, a limping love life; I was, generally, a loser, wasting away... There were none of the usual hallmarks of success or happiness. And that scared me. Would my life have been worth it if I continued in this direction? Would it have been a “life well lived” by the end? So, this is my existential struggle. Even now, as I lurch ever nea...

Changing lanes.

I was driving home in some traffic last night when I drifted, in my mind, a long way back (about 20 years) to high school. I was caught in one of those periodic traffic slowdowns as I floated back; you know, those waves of congestion that seem to pass backward through the columns of cars in each lane. (I've heard they start because someone switches lanes, and in response, a rippling emergent slowness travels backward and outward as the cars behind it accommodate the change, one by one.) What drew me back to those younger days was that, back in high school, similar phenomena of congestion took place in the halls between classes, when eddies of young humans would get caught in and around those clumps of those chatting by lockers or retrieving books. Occasionally, backups would occur when groups of people got caught in these eddies, or collided with other groups by the lockers, and slowdowns would ripple back from there. Maybe it's not exactly the same, but as I drove it seemed si...

Oatmeal is tasty.

{slurps up berry-oatmeal-deliciousness} Indeed. I need to work on rebuilding a morning schedule. I can be zombie-like enough that I'll waste a perfectly good morning, and have often slept through many. And, really, it's such a useful time of day.

palmerpink

Search This Blog