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QP: Changes to come, I hope.

My grandmother passed away about 2 weeks ago. I hope to write about her more soon, but for this moment, I want to speak briefly about where I'm at overall: Her passing has led me to reevaluate aspects of my life because I'm realizing that the status quo amounts to just wasting my life away.

(This is another "quick post," which means it's a short update that I likely didn't edit and revise quite as much as the more "thoughtful" pieces I aim for. I say this because I'm self-conscious and worry that you, my reader, will judge me!)

I'm up in Boston and have today and tomorrow off, and I want to spend at least a portion of each day figuring out (some of) my life. I say this fully aware how often I've variously done so before: asserted a need for change, described how I was going to do it, made an attempt, then fallen off in the follow-through. I'm honestly not sure what to do about that, though. It frustrates me now just as much as ever, even before starting.

What might be good for now is identifying goals or even just broad areas and then working with my therapist to figure out the next steps and how to keep me on point. I haven't really tried that before; i suspect it'll prove more effective.

Here's what I'm seeing so far:
  • money/finances and career
  • writing, projects, and blog
  • leisure and work/life balance
  • social life...

The first is a big one; it's affecting everything else (altho there are other factors at work, of course); I've already started looking into it, if only because it's also urgently in need of a change (read: way past due for one). The second is seriously meaningful to me; as a kid, I envisioned myself as a writer, but as an adult, hardly have, and that hurts. The third is important because there is no real balance between work and the rest of my life; I just work all the time and cram in leisure when and as I can. The fourth suffers for the same reasons, partly, but also because socializing is scary for me, and I want to work on it.

I'll circle back, hopefully, and update as things develop.
Image by qimono on Pixabay.

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