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Sometimes tricky.

Asking for help can be tough, but sometimes tougher still is figuring out what to ask for.

I'm sitting outside my therapist's office before my appointment. And I keep wondering--what am I going to talk about? It's more a "where do I start...?" than a "what is there to say...?" situation, but either way it comes down to needing helping and wanting help but not being totally sure how to ask for it.

There is some major (or at least majorly frustrating) dysfunction in my brain; of this much I'm certain. I'm not sure, though, where it's tripping me up or how it manages to trick me every time. So how do I ask for help? What am I asking for?

It's rather a tricky trouble.

I suppose I could focus on specific frustrations of the week, then talk with him of ways of approaching them differently, etc. But it isn't just with him I need to work on asking for help. I have other resources I don't (adequately, responsibly) take advantage of. Friends, parents, managers, program friends. Part of it is pride, but part of it really isn't not knowing--perhaps for lack of practice at it--what to ask for.

But then, I suppose I don't have to figure it out all at once, do I? Still, i don't want to come away from this appointment as I did last time--feeling like I wasted some valuable opportunity and resource by babbling nonsensically about too trivial things. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to do the best I can. At the least I can feel happy knowing I want change and that I'm trying.

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Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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